Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can Purell be used as lube?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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