Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
