and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
