Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
