no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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