How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
