I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We don't watch enough power rangers
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
