R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
