Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
