Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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