I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
