If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"it" just moved
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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