We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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