If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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