I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
