Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
