Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
