so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
