Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
White coat. Heels.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
