she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
