i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
