I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
