The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
