Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
