OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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