He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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