one might say we're banned from that church
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
