I'm lost and stupid without you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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