And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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