on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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