Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
