My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
