I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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