Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
