I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
