U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
