the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
how drunk are you?
Several
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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