What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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