im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
