me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
