She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
