she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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