so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
