oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
