Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
