I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
