I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
