even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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