look no pants
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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