we have officially lost it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
