Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
