Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
