we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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