Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
